WHO AM I

First of all, I am not Wendy. Wendy is a girl I made up who is braver, smarter, prettier, and more likable than me. I am just your run in the mill, slightly below average girl. Wendy is someone I become daily to mask myself. I like being Wendy because people like her. People are attracted to how spontaneous and thrilling she is. However, no one knows that she is not me.

Growing up in a difficult household, I was always odd. My parents were not like other children's parents and my home life wasn't exactly normal. I've always had an inkling that

living in these circumstances were not the standard.

The moment I was born was the moment that I became the disappointment to my parents. I was already doomed the second I was in the world because I was not a boy. Since the culture in asian countries puts males on a pedestal so much higher than females, they decided to give me up for adoption. The next month after having me, they left the country and moved to the United States for a better life. My mom's sister and my aunt (I also call her Mom) adopted me; she said she fell in love with me from the millisecond she first saw me. Four years later, my aunt and I are in the United States and I met my real parents and my baby brothers for the first time. I think this was my first ever heartbreak. My parents just didn't accept me, even at four years old. A little girl who was told "By the way, these are the people that made you", felt her heart break in a million tiny pieces when those same people showed no emotion towards her.

Living my life as always a shadow to my brothers was so exhausting. My accomplishments were never recognized. All I wanted was the people who birthed me to tell me "Good Job."

I don't exactly know when I became into my persona of Wendy. I created this other side to myself that really isn't a part of me, to have more confidence and to force all of my feelings away. I loved the way people reacted to Wendy and became almost addicted to the feeling of being wanted since I never was before. Wendy is a risk, though. Everything about her is dangerous. But me? I am boring, average, safe..

My story is not over, but for now, this is all I have to tell. I hope one day Wendy and I can fuse together into one being. No matter what hardships I've suffered in the past, I can overcome it. No one lives life perfectly. Everyone has a bad day, month, or year sometimes. And some people have it worse than me. I am blessed and grateful that I realized this. Acceptance of myself was extremely hard to achieve because of my numerous flaws and considerable "baggage". A positive outlook on life is really all it takes. It's easier said than done, but if you push everyday with a smile on your face; you will soon become happy. Drive all the bad thoughts and memories to the farthest corner of your mind and accept them one at a time only when you have built enough strength to. That is my advice to you, whoever reading.

Thank you for hearing about who I am, even though I am still unsure of my identity.

- Not Wendy